Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
