At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
