i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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