Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
