the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
