Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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