I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
