Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
