What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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