We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
