if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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