I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So squirting runs in the family.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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