Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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