I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
