I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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