Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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