I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
