hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
