I faked an abortion last night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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