Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
