I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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