We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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