It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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