Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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