maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
