Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize