when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love you.
Bad choice
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
