I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
