If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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