Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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