Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
