I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
