so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
