U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize