I threw up into my coffee this morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
