Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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