i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need to calm my uterus...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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