Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
