I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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