At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize