Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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