he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
