oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
