I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize