when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
