He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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