I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
