Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
