if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
