A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
