did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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