you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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