So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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