I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
