Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
