I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
