bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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