Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
