I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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