I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
