what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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