Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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