I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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