i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
