You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize