I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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