I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
