she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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