I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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