i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
