i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
