i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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