when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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